Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Director: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Shia LaBeouf, Karen Allen
Rating: 3 stars (out of five)
Prince Caspian earned three stars for being mediocre but a reasonable continuation of the first Narnia movie. The new Indiana Jones movie makes it to three stars entirely on the gruff charm of Harrison Ford. In lieu of a full review, Badmouth offers ten declarative sentences about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (with very spoilery ones after the jump):
- A longer title does not make the movie better or more important.
- The movie is not a disaster, but it’s not a particularly worthy addition to the franchise, especially after such a long delay.
- Spielberg, who cuts to about four reaction shots of “cute” groundhogs in the opening nuclear sequence, has clearly lost his mind.
- Space aliens as the McGuffin struck me as dead-wrong at first, but upon reflecting that the film would be set in the 1950s, I realized that there’s no better subject for a mystery in that period.
- Cate Blanchett is totally wasted as a bad cartoon Soviet.
- The film does not take the time to breathe, to let the mysteries and wonders soak in, and thus there’s little sense of mystery or wonder.
- The way Marion and her jeep keep appearing and disappearing at random moments in the big jungle chase sequence is indication of slapdash filmmaking.
- The entire plot, which barrels ahead in a sloppy way not seen in the previous films, is indicative of very slapdash writing.
- Shia Labeouf is entirely entirely shrug-worthy in the film, and the revelation of his parentage and the humor that results is so predictable, it’s actually painful to witness.
- Indiana Jones’ adventures as a member of the OSS during World War II would’ve made a much, much better movie (though Harrison Ford is of course too old to make that film).