The Olympics are heading to a close, which makes it a perfect time to reflect on how it all began. The opening ceremonies were - by all accounts - spectacular. It was that grandest spectacle that I, personally, have ever seen. But almost as soon as the opening ceremonies were over, journalists and bloggers started noticing the cracks in the perfect facade that the Chinese government had erected.

Considering how focused most guys are on it, it is surprising that there are not more songs about the penis. Think about it. Men have written lyrics about love; ballads about beauty - why not songs about schlongs? Because no matter what they say about love, poetry and the theater, there are few things that a man is more attached to - both literally and figuratively - than his penis.